Where did it start...
It's very possible that my curiosity about life's beauty and shit started when I was 6. My brother, who was my best friend, my roommate, my role model, and my co-captain of the great ship Sea King made of our bunk beds, died at the age of 10. There's so much I don't remember about the day of his accident, but I remember my mom waking me up to tell me. I didn't understand at first, and said I was ready to go and visit him at the hospital. Once I understood, we cried and cried together, and then, with wisdom I haven't been able to recapture since, I said, "You know, some day we'll be able to remember the good days we shared without crying."
I don't know that I've found those days, but what I do know is that I have spent the last 25 years trying to accept the fact that even with this great big Jonathan-sized hole in my life and heart, there is still beauty. There is still beauty in this world and my life and my days. AND, at the same time, my life doesn't need to be just beautiful to live for him, either. I can have shitty days, shitty with big stuff and with the little stuff.
The rest, that inspired these cards and these blogs and the podcast, well, that shit unfolded both slowly and suddenly. But, in short, within the past two years, I experienced such a wild range of shitty things and such an incredible depth of beautiful moments. I am finally ready to share some of those thoughts and explore what it means for all of us -- whatever our experiences -- to make space for each other and ourselves to really feel both life's beauty and life's shit.